Akhmed and me…

Im amazed by kids’ ability to blindly run into things at full speed the way our beloved President would like to run into Sarah Palin! Children seem to experience a constant high, with a dose of sugar neccessary at regluar intervals to fuel the fire. And they can run and shout and jump and fight and laugh their asses off at the smallest of things, Serotonin is beyond doubt the best of drugs!

The world, my friends, is going through a period of recession. It is in such times that great poets, who inspire revolutions that bring change and uplift the downfallen human spirit. I would like to announce today that i am the poet and revolutionary of your time! Read my deep, meaningful, thought-provoking poetry carefully, for it will ignite within you a fire that shall spread across the oceans and to the far lands and engulf the world in its brightness, and when it dies down a new world shall emerge where you shall all dwell blisfully and i shall be the face on your currency, which you can keep in your purses and in your wallets close to your buttocks and in a dozen other strange places! And you can buy with it beer and hold it with your greasy paan-walay hands, and enjoy the gift of freedom that shall be given to you as a result of my ultimate sacrifice!!

When the night is long and the darkness engulfs all

This world will demand that you rise after you fall,

Do not be quiet and do not tremble

Tilt your butt a little and let the gases rumble!

(16/10/08 World Fart day!) 😀

If you are still not inspired, you must watch akhmed’s video…

For my persian princess…

So tahir zaki khan went for a picnic with his friend. He took a thermos with him…

Thermos-free pathan: khochee Ye kya hai?

tahir-zaki-khan: khochee yeh Thermos hai, is main thanda thanda rehta hai, aur garam garam!

Thermos-free pathan: khochee tum ismein aaj kya layee hai??

tahir-zaki-khan: khochee is mein hum layee hain chaar(4) kulfi aur do(2) cup chai(tea)! 😉

If an individual is given a surprise birthday party with a cake that looks like heaven and guests that are all hot supermodels, and all of a sudden a shotgun is shoved up his anus… what do you reckon he’d look like??!

Ive always had a certain hidden violent streak. I confess to dumb-foundedly watching fist fights on youtube for hours on end with the blind addiction similar to that of a mink’s to sex. And yes i know that war is nothing to want, but yet i find myself excited by the oppurtunity to witness one live!

The American General ‘Mike Idunno-who-my-daddy-is’ or something said theyre gonna be blasting at us with pure ignorant american pride pretty soon. And the pakistani COAS said in response that we aint gonna take your shit no more pretty soon.

In response to the happenings Zardari sahab said with a rotten smile on his crooked-corrupt-twisted face ‘I gotta take a leak, excuse me!’

(Disclaimer: This blogpost may or may not contain any accurate facts and quotations)

If youve been reading my blog long enough or if you have not been completely deprived of common sense and have a functioning nervous system, you prolly guessed that the guy with the shotgun up his anus prolly looks just like our current president! 😀

P.S: i was unable to gather the info i needed on king fahd and hence could not write about him, but it will come later, hopefully…

Until then, more great poetry:

Chaa Weyoo bibi geo

Saddi hakoomat ayee weyoo

Dushman ko thaa thaa keyoo

Injaaiii karii theo meyoo…

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At the first light of dawn

A young child eats a tart

A young woman pushes hard

but all she gets is a fart! 😛

Nurses and Grooms!

I have found for womankind today, the greatest gift that you could ever get!

Come one, come all, to the Pak Arab American Salon! Get the groom of your choice for Rs.300 a piece!

Yes, if you dont believe me go see for yourself! The Pak Arab American Salon is located behind Bolan Sajji, opposite Agha Juice, near hasan square in karachi. Bring your shopping bags and take your pick…

I dont think that they’d give refunds though, and prices must be fixed, they are after all the market leaders in their business! 😀

My funny bone was constipated for a while. But i pushed hard and got rid of the problem, filling the gaseous vaccuum that had developed due to the unavailability of fresh bullshit (Yes yes, go throw up!) 😀

Speaking of Agha Juice reminds me of Aga khan! Mashallah, kia nurses theen… As an old drunken nawab once said:

‘Chamsay-bud-dooor!’

(meaning evil eye be gone!)

I have read many a blog that is full of poetry. Most of it is borrowed! I do not like to brag but i might have won a competition or two in school for the beautiful words i have spilled onto paper like a cow spills dung on lush green fields under the watch of the bright midsummer sun…Arzzzz kia hai:

In the darkness of the night

A shadow slowly lingers,

An old man farts

and another cracks his fingers.

 to be continued…. 😉