Sometimes we tend to make too much of things that dont really mean much. It brings no one any good. Ive come to a realization of sorts.

I must pray regularly. Im glad i feel guilt everytime i miss a prayer. I want that guilt to build up so much that i im left with no option but to be regular…

I was listening to some of my older electronic music tracks today, i heard the mix Gabriel and Dresden did on ‘Dust in the Wind’, and i heard the starkillers mix of a Nadia Ali track, and it made me wonder how much ive changed in the past few years.

We live in an unfair world, i see kids in rags viping the windshields of cars when they stop at traffic signals. And in these cars i see other kids pampered and protected, with semi tinted windows, unaware of the realities of this world, unaware of the suffering around them, proud of themselves for god knows what reason. I see people sleeping on the streets, outside houses no less then palaces, guarded and protected, with walls as high as those of fortresses. The rich scorn the poor merely by their existence. Do they really need to flaunt it so much? Is their money all that there is to them?? And do they not know that they have wealth only because Allah has allowed them to???

Islam is a crispy religion.

I picture muslim men in crispy white kanduras, heading towards the closest masjid to offer their prayers. The wind blows on them keeping them cool in the summer heat. And they offer their prayers under the shade of the masjid’s roof, on mats made palm tree leaves. Muslims coming together in congregration, finding comfort in prayer, and finding freedom in prostration, because submission to Allah is where true freedom lies.

I picture young muslim women covering themselves to protect themselves from strangers’ gaze as per Allah’s command. And people living simple lives, being grateful to Allah for all he has given, and spending time in his dhikr, and reciting the Holy Quran. There was once such a place. Someday there will be such a place again, hopefully.

Lemon Malt is an excellent alternative to beer. Not smoking is an excellent alternative to smoking. There are more changes that need to be made, loads of things i must stop doing, loads that i need to start doing. There is so much i need to learn. So many questions that need answering.

Qeema paratha with lassi from boat basin is an excellent breakfast..

 It looks like it might rain. I love the rainy season. Which reminds me, my windscreen viper isnt working right, it needs to be fixed!

The last few days have been a constant battle, between me and myself. I prayed for God to make the better part of me stronger. And i dreamt that while i was praying two men without faces came and sat on either side of me, and i thought god has sent me protection. And i saw forces trying to shake me, and scare me away from prayer. But i was protected and i continued my prayers.

I consider myself among the blessed. Even though ive made a lot of mistakes, ive always had love for God. He’s always given me direction, and perspective. And i have learned to follow it, although now im trying follow it more strongly. People have had very little faith in me, because where i see possibilities, most other people see hinderances. It doesnt take much faith to see that if Allah allows us to do something, and if he draws us towards it, then there is absolutely nothing that can stop us from acheiving it. In life, i have learned to work hard, to do things that people told me i couldnt do. I did them, only because Allah allowed me to. And i know that He does not forsake those who turn towards him…

Its times like these you want to reach out and grab a bottle, get yourself a loose chick, go crazy. I pray for the patience and the faith to ward this off…

I try to hold back. Always. Because i hate myself when i hurt the people who’re most important to me. Sometimes i lose it. And i say things that i know will do damage.

I pray for forgiveness. But i know that God will forgive me only if the ppl ive wronged forgive me. And i dont think that they will.

What I’ve felt
What I’ve known
Never shined through in what I’ve shown

(Courtesy: Metallica ‘Unforgiven’)

Life is short. And ive always used that as an excuse to be crazy. I believe in karma, and in the signs god shows us of his presence.

Life IS short, and thats exactly why i need to correct myself today. A couple of days ago i saw a guy being run over by a tanker, wasted, the poor soul(may god grant him heaven). Makes you wonder, that kinda thing. So im finally listening to the Quran’s translation, a friend was kind enough to give it to me in a USB. So i drive around listening to the word of God now rather then ‘the Scorpions’. No more booze, no more cigarettes, no more chemicals, no more loose chicks. 

I hope this works…

Hey you, I hate it when you look like you want to cry. I hate it more when its cause of me, this is not what im here for. Be cool, cause youre one in a million (and havent i told you that a million times already)

She’s got eyes of the bluest skies
And if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I’d hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by

Sweet child o’ mine

So its always been post-game tradition for me to pray (which just might be why i used to pray so regularly in the good ole days)

The mosque next to the thaana near nisar shaheed park is so peacful. It feels so good to pray under the shade in the summer heat. From the calmness around me, the wind blew lightly against my skin wet from wudhuu and i felt the love for God the faithful feel. I thought of how im sure the prophet and his people mustve felt when they travelled in the scorching heat, towards God’s house, together those believers. Of how they fought to spread to word of God. Of the small comforts they enjoyed after endless struggle and perseverance. Of how they braved they braved the odds because they believed in God. I wish i had the strength they had.

I wish we could see together how temporary the comforts of this world are. And the peace that lies in the smallest of things, once you learn to live in a constant struggle.

Game doesnt do the magic i thought it would. All i feel is regret. And i still dont want to forget. And i dont know who i am anymore

So i realized last night i dont need a miserable married woman for game, i can always go back to the chicks ive had before! Plus, that just isnt me, I dont feed off the weak. Kher met up with an old ex last night and had a couple of shots of whiskey with her. The rest was inevitable…

I hate this regret ive begun to feel after everything i do. I mean this isnt even that bad a sin, chalta hai. Kher, fuck regret…

Ah! He’s back on the field after a lifetime! He looks like hes not too sure. But he dodges, he aims, he shoots and he scoooreeessss!!!

Yes sir, game on. Ive still got it in me. Details tomorrow. Im hurting everywhere. Must sleep…