Pop quiz: when do you think Farooq can run the fastest?!
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
No Sir, you got it wrong, its not when he’s being chased by a dog!
Farooq run’s fastest when he reaaaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy needs to go to the loo, and the loo happens to be really really far! Do not worry dear reader, he always manages to make it there before the blast! No no, not the everyday bomb blast we karachi walas have become accustomed to, but the more personal internal gastro-intestinal non-taliban-conspiracy-old-coleslaw-too-much-milkshake variety…
Such situations may not be lethal, but trust me, they can be pressurizing!
When women have long hair, its a perk cause it increases bedroom possibilities! But when it comes to men, If you want your chances your of getting laid to be reduced by almost a 100% percent, grow a beard! Not a long religious beard, but just an ordinary beard. All those easy young girls will migrate, (thank god for the ones above 22)… :D
I have found for womankind today, the greatest gift that you could ever get!
Come one, come all, to the Pak Arab American Salon! Get the groom of your choice for Rs.300 a piece!
Yes, if you dont believe me go see for yourself! The Pak Arab American Salon is located behind Bolan Sajji, opposite Agha Juice, near hasan square in karachi. Bring your shopping bags and take your pick…
I dont think that they’d give refunds though, and prices must be fixed, they are after all the market leaders in their business!
My funny bone was constipated for a while. But i pushed hard and got rid of the problem, filling the gaseous vaccuum that had developed due to the unavailability of fresh bullshit (Yes yes, go throw up!)
Speaking of Agha Juice reminds me of Aga khan! Mashallah, kia nurses theen… As an old drunken nawab once said:
‘Chamsay-bud-dooor!’
(meaning evil eye be gone!)
I have read many a blog that is full of poetry. Most of it is borrowed! I do not like to brag but i might have won a competition or two in school for the beautiful words i have spilled onto paper like a cow spills dung on lush green fields under the watch of the bright midsummer sun…Arzzzz kia hai:
Why do mothers have the habit of heating up food so much you cant eat it for ten minutes?! Is it some sort of test of patience?!
What happens when a sissy paindoo takes a brand new premio out on a cruise?!
So i didnt tell you folks about how i celebrated the independence day! We had huge plans. We got out wearing pashtoon style shalwar kameez which i had stitched particularly for the occasion! And we rode out to pick more of our friends up. On our way we came across the sissy ass paindo with the new premio. And he did what he was destined to do. On the freaking high speed lane, when the car up ahead of him slowed down he hit the brakes down hard! Coincidentally i also did what i was destined to do, i ran into his ass! Kaapissshhh!
So thats how i celebrated my 14th august. Major financial and psychological damage incurred, thanks to a stupid ass paindoo! Yeah, call me a racist
My friends, people of my land, Happy Independence day!
I pray the new day brings you new lessons in life, more knowledge, more courage, more love, more patience and a step closer to your creator.
My blog is supposed to be a funny blog, but here’s a word of advice for the boys:
Its vital that you stick to your two sole emotions, trying new ones will bring you no good. So if youre not hungry, you should be horny, and vice versa!
Many a young man has the hots for nurses, im beginning to think that tullas may have a similar liking to Farooq!
When you go to an alley in shara-e-faisal and you find it full of parking space, DONT park there!
I bought me a little flag and i stuck to my car window. Two kilometres later it sort of just broke off! But then again, im sure that has more to do with China than Pakiland! So i bought another one and taped it with pakistani electric tape for backup!
So the traffic walas finally decided to enter the competition! The regular tullas have been after me for a while, so the traffic walas figured they should take a shot too. First thing i was made to do when i went to the traffice thaana was to go outside and read their ‘terms of service’! The tulla said this was to make sure we didnt think he was guilty of corruption…
Why did i go to the thaana you ask?! well because thats where my car was! Why was my car there?! Well because that heavenly alley, the one with loads of parking space where you park your car thinking youre the smartest person on the planet, is right outside the Governor of Balochistan’s house, which makes it a no-parking area!
So i paid 620 bucks to get my car back. But i would like to ask our oh so responsive government a simple question! If the governor of Balochistan is supposed to take care of Balochistan shouldnt he be in Balochistan? And if he should be in Balochistan then why the hell does he have a government funded house in Karachi?! I am sure that you know very well what 10% of 1 crore is, but there’s a strong possibility youre unaware of the fact the Karachi is not in Balochistan!
Pakistan is a kick-ass nation! Even though there’s never a parking spot to be found on shara-e-faisal, and the sewers are over-flowing on its parking lane, i seriously think we’re blessed (i really do).
Have you tried kicking yourself in the behind?? Try it!
‘Humma humma kar bhaiyya…’
Why do ppl do such things to themselves? I mean, if ur slitting ur wrists or overdosing on sleeping pills, i get that u had a difficult childhood! But what could possibly make anyone sing a song like that? Im sure nobody PAID them for it!
So have u realized that human physiology does not allow for a self-butt-kick? If it allows YOU to do so my friend, i suggest u take the next flight to China and compete in the olympics(do make sure u take some tiger balm with you, for potential sports injuries)…
The new government is showing great interest in attempting to revive our economy. Government officials have reported in a press conference that ever since they have come into power, Pakistan has become the largest producer of Pakistanis! The next step towards progress is to impeach the president so Mr. 10% can take over ! His supporters say hes a changed man now. I bet that means we should rename him to Mr. 20% then, no?
Anyways, those of who arent going to China can indulge in a metaphorical self-butt-kick. Next time you go to work, simply do as follows:
LEAVE YOUR KEYS INSIDE YOUR CAR!
Itll work like a charm, i guarantee it! Your suffering will follow a simple four step process:
You will need to find someone to jack your car for you.
You need to open the lock asap so you can find out that your battery was on and it is now out of power. Find yourself a battery wala asap!
It is vital that you have a battery wala so he can inform you that your car has also run outta fuel!
You now need to push your car to the nearest gas station to get CNG so the battery wala can start up your car for you!
To ensure maximum effectiveness, conduct the above mentioned activity under the observation of the scorching summer sun…
Like the terminator and unlike Mushi bhai, ill be back(unless the taliban invade)!
I totally dig em. Strange, innocent little creatures, who can freakin’ get away with absolutely anything! The other day at silverspoon, i saw this kid standing up on the table in the middle of the jam-packed restaurant, surrounded by his family (too busy gorging down there tikkas), in all due innocence doing guess what?! (Viewer disgression advised – disgust 100 metres…)
Pashtoon poetry is beautiful. Its an ancient tradition that most of us have no exposure to. A few apt verses for the rain by a pashtoon poet:
Dagha Pashtay da rora
ma vala saaawan faraz,
Da pusta ma rora
Dagha pich pich Dagha pich pich!
PLAYING WITH HIS CROTCH! Thats what the kid was doing! (You though it was the pashtoon poet didnt you?? you racist/biased, driven-by-cliches little homo-sapien of the east) And he got away with it! That little freak! NOoooobody even seemed to notice (except for myself that is)!!! Had a grown man done that, society wouldve revolted as if bhutto had been shot again!
“….Ghar ghar say Bhutto niklayga,
Tum kitnay bhutto marogay!”
Bhaijaan, aap hi kay ghar say niklayga, hum to shareef log hain!
What did the mallu sidekick say when he saw the hero’s sister walking down the road with her friends?!
“Kuccchhhummm-maillaaaaa! Aye popat, dekh kya item ja reli hai…”
Ive always been a fan of them indian gangster movies. How can you not be entertained by mumbaiyya street language?? Sarkar Raj was a kick ass sequel(although it may have been a tad bit too dramatic).
Before i take my leave, id like to say:
‘Aye chirkut, monitor ko ghoor ghoor kay kahe ko dekh rela/reli hai??’
What did the big kid say to the the little kid after mohra(the indian movie) was released?!
“Acha too Sunil Shetty bun ja, main Akshay kumar bun jata hoon…”
What is the worst thing that can happen to u after uve eaten fat stuck???
Wese, u know it doesnt take much to impress most younger khawateen(i refrain from using the word ‘chick’ due to a fellow blogger’s request) ! Socho, Ali Zafar got em droolin’ by saying ‘Channo ki aankh main aik nasha hai…’ I mean come on, channo ki aankh main kia vodka chali gaee thi??
You can feel thirsty as hell, my friend. Right after uve gulped down chicken makhni with tandoori paratha, and tandoori chicken and malai boti, added 2 bottles of pepsi to wash it down, topped with a three scoop ice-cream special, u got that right, u can feel thirsty as hell! I want water, but i have space for absolutely nothing, another drop of fluid could cause a mini french revolution in my intestines, the downward rhytmic movement of the food pipe could switch to an upward movement, my stomach could contract violently and mounds of acidic partially digested food could spurt out like fire from a flame-thrower! oh what id give to be the tarbela dam right about now?!
Did i tell u what the little kid said to the big kid in response??:
